I feel like a lot has happened in the last month – this is the year of growth and change.
Both of my young adult daughters are overseas for several months. It was hard to let them go, but how could I not. They are both having adventures of a life time. Allie is in Spain until Mid May teaching English to finish her teaching degree. Kirsten is in Rome doing a study abroad program until the end of April. I miss my girls, but I am proud of them for taking advantage of these opportunities and their sense of adventure.
My husband and I will visit in March. We are finalizing our plans now. I am more of a homebody so this is huge for me to make this commitment and agree to two weeks abroad. I am excited for the adventure and to see my girls. I just hate the travel part. Believe me when I say this whole thing is not without anxiety and fear. My kids are doing it so I should be able to survive as well. I am trying to rewire my thoughts from the negative and more to the positive and away from the anxiety and fear. Being a pill addict there is not much I can do to reduce the anxiety chemically. I have to change my thinking and just breathe!
I had surgery on my nose last week – deviated septum. I wasn’t as anxious as I thought I would be. I think I spent so much time worrying about my girls abroad I had nothing left. Interestingly I had the opportunity with pain meds. I am more of a benzo addict, but hey its a controlled substance so it must be good, right? And really pills are pills when you are talking to an addict. When it came right down to it, I didn’t want them. I did pain meds for the first day only and switched over to the Tylenol. I realized I am more motivated to stay sober and stay the course than I gave myself credit for. I had the chance and I chose the next right thing.
The last thing is that my job is coming to end and I am sort of having hard time letting go. I am writing plans for the person taking over and cleaning out my office. I just can’t fathom someone else doing what I do. Even though I am no longer finding purpose and fulfillment it is still hard to let go since it is what I know.
A lot of changes, but life happens. I have hope that good things are coming, I just don’t know what all of that means …… yet.