Life Happens

I feel like a lot has happened in the last month – this is the year of growth and change.

Both of my young adult daughters are overseas for several months.   It was hard to let them go, but how could I not.  They are both having adventures of a life time.  Allie is in Spain until Mid May teaching English to finish her teaching degree.  Kirsten is in Rome doing a study abroad program until the end of April.   I miss my girls, but I am proud of them for taking advantage of these opportunities and their sense of adventure.

My husband and I will visit in March.   We are finalizing our plans now.    I am more of a homebody so this is huge for me to make this commitment and agree to two weeks abroad.   I am excited for the adventure and to see my girls.  I just hate the travel part.   Believe me when I say this whole thing is not without anxiety and fear.  My kids are doing it so I should be able to survive as well.   I am trying to rewire my thoughts from the negative and more to the positive and away from the anxiety and fear.    Being a pill addict there is not much I can do to reduce the anxiety chemically.   I have to change my thinking and just breathe!

I had surgery on my nose last week – deviated septum.  I wasn’t as anxious as I thought I would be.  I think I spent so much time worrying about  my girls abroad I had nothing left.   Interestingly I had the opportunity with pain meds.   I am more of a benzo addict, but hey its a controlled substance so it must be good, right?  And really pills are pills when you are talking to an addict.    When it came right down to it, I didn’t want them.   I did pain meds for the first day only and switched over to the Tylenol.    I realized I am more motivated to stay sober and stay the course than I gave myself credit for.   I had the chance and I chose the next right thing.

The last thing is that my job is coming to end and I am sort of having hard time letting go.  I am writing plans for the person taking over and cleaning out my office.  I just can’t fathom someone else doing what I do.    Even though I am no longer finding purpose and fulfillment it is still hard to let go since it is what I know.

A lot of changes, but life happens.  I have hope that good things are coming, I just don’t know what all of that means …… yet.

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