Sitting watching the rain fall

Gives me a chance to think

About love, life, happiness and whatever falls in-between


The dark clouds are rolling in

The thunder is booming in the distance

What is life about anyways, but endless days of rain


The trees are swaying in the wind

The rain is pouring down

We need the rain to make things grow, including all the things we know


Love, life and happiness are they overrated?

We live each day as it comes,

Clouds, rain and then some sun


When the storm passes the sun will appear

We may then find the love and happiness we forever crave

When the rain comes to end we can see more clear


Look for the rainbow after the rain

It will prove that life is not all gray

Just wait it out and you will survive


After the rain the sun will follow

Rain or sun only time will tell

Life can be good, we just have to live it







So I turned 51 on June 9th and I am grateful.

There are several times in my life where I thought I would die either by my severe Ulcerative Colitis and my colon removal surgery or by my own hand due to a bad case of clinical depression and anxiety (combined alcohol and drug use).   I don’t really think I would ever actually go through with it, but it did cross my mind on many occasions during that period of time.

Suicide has been in the news a lot the last couple of weeks due to a couple of celebrities killing themselves, but it is a much bigger problem then just a couple of celebrities.   The stats are unreal.  I read that approximately 123 people each day kill themselves with another 25 people who attempt suicide that aren’t successful.  That is crazy sad, but I know that feeling of desperation and hopelessness and I understand it.  It is by the grace of God that I am here and able to write this.

My life is not perfect and I still have moments of what is the point of life – I mean really we are all going to die and we want to believe we will be in a better place in death.   It is too intense think about most of the time … but I do go there sometimes.  I am not necessarily afraid of death, but just the dying part.

Seriously though I have a lot to live for.   I am grateful for each day I have with my family and friends on this great earth.  I am happy to be alive and to be where I am today … sober, content, mentally stable, loved and of service.  Being 51 is a privilege that not everyone gets.