Busy July

July is coming to end.  It was a busy month for me.   Me the homebody, did a lot of traveling in July.   It started of with the entire family going to the lake house, at one point there were 14 of us there.   It was fun to be with everyone, but a few days of that is enough.   After that I spent a week in Hilton Head with some friends.   A lot of fun times, but a week was a little bit too long for me, especially since I was only home from the lake for 3 days before we left.  We even flew and I did pretty well with everything.  I was totally getting out of my comfort zone with that trip, but I am glad I went and got to spend some time with some special friends.   A week later we were in Chicago moving Kirsten into her apartment for the school year (yes she wanted to go back early).

Now that I am finally home and the kids are gone again, it is time for me to figure out what I am going to do with my life and I really have no clue.   It is causing a lot of anxiety trying to still figure out my purpose.  I have not done any of the things I have said I was going to do when I quit work, but with the kids home I did have plenty to do.  Now with Allie settled in Columbus and Kirsten in Chicago, where does that leave me?    I am betting that my girls will not be back for an extended stay at home, they are adults now and moving on with their lives so now it is time to figure out what my life looks like “without” kids.   I am proud of my girls and I want them to move on, but this stage of life sure takes a lot of adjustment on my part.

I do still plan to do some volunteering.   Just finding the right spot has proved to be difficult.   I do like the shoe ministry and hope to get more involved with that as school starts back up.    We have our Foundation golf outing coming up in September so I have been doing some work with that.   It is frustrating though since I am no longer at work, it is hard to know the details of what is going on and my brothers are not good at keeping me in the loop or answering my e-mails.

There is always AA and my sponsees to fill some of my time.   With all the July travel I haven’t been a very good sponsor or sponsee and I haven’t been getting to my meetings.  We are having our first social event for the AA club in a couple of weeks and I am in charge … I just hope it goes well and people actually show up.   The masses say they want club activities and events so we are giving it a try.   I get nervous that people wont come or if they do it will be a flop.    I make myself crazy!

Well it is hard to believe that July is about over and that we are starting August.  School will be starting again and fall will be here before we know it.   I am not ready for summer to be over, it feels like it just started.   I have enjoyed July, but I must say for this homebody … I am glad to be home!

July 4th

Today is the 4th of July – I am grateful to be an American.

I was looking through some papers and found some of my writings from years ago.   I was in a severe clinical depression with anxiety disorder and I somehow got creative and wrote …. a lot.    I am planning to share some of my writings during that time on this blog.    Today I wanted to share what I wrote on July 4, 2003


It’s the 4th of July

Fireworks light the sky

Families sit together and stare

At all the sparkle in the air

They ooh and ahh at the sight

Of all the things they see tonight


I like the sights, I like the sounds

I sit and watch from the ground

I imagine as I look up high

What it might be like to die

I think about those who have gone before

I often wonder if there is more


Up to the heavens I pray

I hope those above can hear what I say

As I watch the night sky light

I look inside and hold on tight

Today is America’s day

Thank you all who had to pay