Great isn’t always great

So I have been feeling a little out of sorts as of late.   It doesn’t help that I have been fighting the ear / throat / cough stuff that has been going around.    I am still working on the anxiety, though I have found some relief.    I am not sure what has me feeling a little crazier than usual.

Everything seems to be going well.    I gave my AA story (my lead) a few weeks ago and that definitely caused me a lot of anxiety, but it went well and I got a lot of positive feedback from the group.    I also got a new sponsee so that puts me back at 3 since one of my girls did not last long.   I planned a fun St. Patrick’s Day party at the AA Club that I am involved with and there was a great turn out.   To read this and to see what I have been doing it sounds like things should be good in the AA world.   I just feel in my head that I am not feeling the AA way.   Stinken Thinken.  I am getting tired of being sober.   I want to feel and practice what I preach.   I love the program and my sober peeps so it is not logical that I feel this way.  I really don’t have any plans to drink,  but a shot of Wild Turkey always makes me feel better when I am sick.

My sober friends and my sponsees do keep me busy and usually grounded.    I probably need some gratitude …. I know my sponsor would make me do a gratitude list if I complain and maybe thats what I need.    I know what to do and I know how to do it.  I just don’t want to.   So I will sit in this discomfort until I realize how silly I am being. There are just so many drinking events and sometimes it just sucks being the one drinking water or worse being the one who can not go at all because its all about drinking.

Oh poor me,  poor me …. Pour Me a Drink!