I am coming up on 5 years of continuous sobriety … to be exact, I have 4.94 years, 59.37 months or 1,807 days clean and sober and I got served an alcoholic drink Saturday night at a restaurant.
I was out with my husband and some friends and ordered my usual club soda and cranberry, but ….. it came with vodka (a lot of vodka) Not knowing this, I took a really big sip of my drink and OMG. I immediately felt that warm and fuzzy feeling. That feeling that makes us want to drink more. It would have been easy to continue to drink it, but my immediate reflex was to recoil from it as if it were a hot flame, like it says in the AA big book. (Wow is that me, sort of quoting the big book!)
I will not lie, after just taking that one gulp … I have had some obsessive thoughts about drinking. It is amazing how fast your head can get crazy with just one taste of alcohol. You see I liked the taste of alcohol, I liked the way it made me feel. With that one drink, I remembered all the wonderful things about why I liked alcohol and the way it made me feel invincible. But all I have to do is play that tape all the way through and remember in the end how it really made me feel along with the pills and how it could have destroyed me. The thing is, a few days later, I can still remember that taste of vodka in my drink with just that one big sip. But I am in recovery and I have to remember I am in recovery and how good my life is today; mentally, physically and spiritually. I am grateful that the urge to drink didn’t take over and that I have my tools to get through this. It is not totally over yet, but I will get through this and in 20 days I will, by the grace of God, have made it to 5 years!