Well I must admit, I have been a little gloomy lately and for no apparent reason or maybe a lot of reasons. My life is good and for some reason I was getting a bad case of the F-its and that is fuck everything including my recovery. I was just sick and tired of it all including my AA meetings and the club which I usually love and just bored with my life in general. So what does one do … I was starting to skimp on my meetings and reaching out. I preferred to just sit home on my pity pot. I cancelled my workout trainer, I did not go to volunteer and blew off friends. To begin to isolate is never a good sign, at least for me.
I spent a Saturday night last week with some (non alcoholic) friends. We sat at a bar at a wine restaurant for 3 hours, it seemed harmless at the time, but in reality it might have been a trigger for the desire to take a drink and a bout on that pity pot. Watching the bartender sling drink after drink especially lots of wines was difficult, but at this point in my sobriety should have been harmless as it usually does not bother me. My state of mind was not spiritually fit at the time and it probably was not a good choice.
Thank God, I have a strong recovery and that I am connected to the program and the club even when I don’t want to be. It saved me. It has been a difficult week. My God always has my back though and is consistently doing for me what I can not do for myself. I begrudgingly went to a meeting and lo and behold I got a new sponsee. Just the thing I needed to get out of myself. Service work always keeps me sober! Starting to the work the steps from the beginning with a newcomer and getting back into the big book will be good for me. My other sponsees ….. well lets see; One is currently out drinking, and one doesn’t go to many meetings, another has been procrastinating on step 3, and one is working a program. None call me. So getting a new girl to start fresh puts some life back into my program. I will be picking up my meetings again to see her, be accountable and to set a good example to my new sponsee and for my own sanity. I really do know what I need and what I need to do.
Saturday night this week, I had a group of sober girlfriends over for a game night while my husband was out of town. At first I was a little put out that I had planned this and just wasn’t feeling it, I just wanted to sit home alone. But again, it was just what I needed when I needed it. There were about 10 of us and we laughed until we peed our pants, ate, drank (no alcohol of course) and were merry. Hanging with my peeps was just what my soul needed.
I am going to shake this gloominess off and get on with my life and listen to my God’s will for me. I don’t always know what God’s will is, but I do know it is to be sober, be of service and to be happy, joyous and free!
I thank God for my sobriety and for doing for me what I sometimes can not do for myself.