My baby niece turned 4 yesterday, It seems like yesterday that she was a tiny thing. It was a unicorn pool party and of course our little Caroline was adorable. she has a boat load of girl cousins from both sides of the family …. there are 11 of them. My 2 girls, 25 and 22, my youngest brothers kids 17,15 and 11 then the cousins on the other side are 13, 10, 8, 5, 2 and our 4 year old birthday girl. Quite the range of cousins, but all girls! All were there except Allie who has recently moved to Texas.
Then there are the adults. Family and friends who are like family. Everyone is an Aunt or Uncle besides the grandparents. Caroline is a lucky girl to have so many adults to love on her and spoil her. Caroline really knows how to get along and act with adults, like I said she is adorable!
These pool parties, even a birthday party for a kid, some how turn into a drink fest. There were fancy slushy drinks in hollowed out pineapples – with alcohol of course …. and lots of beer and white claw type drinks. Who doesn’t want to drink on a hot day at a pool party, right? And for me it was ok not to drink …. that is until everyone has had a little too much and I got a little too irritated. I know I have lost that luxury to drink and my problems should not affect how others drink or not drink, and it doesn’t bother anyone but me. I was definitely bothered. Some know why I don’t drink, others don’t. Some offer me drinks which I politely decline and others claim I am grumpy because I need a drink (at the end of the night when most are pretty lit). It can be quite annoying and trigger the poor me feelings.
Sometimes when a lot of drinking is happening and I know it is time to go ….. it is difficult to pull Steve away (not usually, but sometimes). He was clearly enjoying himself and the beverages a little too much. Why do I get so angry and as one friend said grumpy? drinking is one thing, drunkenness is another and my tolerance varies. I still feel awkward when everyone is at that point and I am left with my seltzer water. I don’t like it. I have to know myself and play that tape all the way through of what will happen if I do enjoy the drink. I know it will not end well for me. Finally I just gave the final warring …. I am leaving NOW, with or without you. A wise friend suggested that he “get on that bus” and go home. lol.
I feel good today ….. no hangover. But I still feel irritated. I am playing that passive aggressive game. Stupid. No one knows I am angry, but I definitely am not being what you would call nice.
I need to get over myself and let others live their lives as they see fit, but I can not let their choices affect me and my sobriety. The party started at 1:00 PM and I finally got to leave at 9:30 PM (with a little break in between to feed the dogs). That is long birthday party for a little girl. And let me tell you those kids where still going strong, just getting out of the pool as we were leaving. To be young again and to be able to drink again …… that ship has sailed.