Month: July 2021

Damn …. Just Damn

~ lorah ~ Leave a comment

It has been a busy summer so far …. The days are long and warm, It has been good. Damn it is going by too quick. We will be shoveling snow before we know it.

I had a mucous cyst removed from my right index finger last week. Damn did it hurt. It is still sore, but the major pain has gone. You don’t realize how important each finger is, especially on your dominant hand, It has been a rough week. Just typing this is to some extent difficult.

With the cyst removal and the pain …. all I can say is Damn pain pills. I am over 6.5 years sober and once again I am obsessed with the pills. I didn’t think much about them when I truly needed them the first couple days post op. I have stopped the day time medicating as I like to run around too much to be stuck at home in a stupor unable to drive, I have been taking it only at night for a few nights. The sleep is soooooo good! But I think the time has come to be done, You just know when you no longer need them. It is now not a need, but a want. The thing is …. I am a pill addict and I am obsessed with the little amount of pills I have left. I can usually had over the pills to my husband for safe keeping, but it is always a hard act. I like the control of being in charge of my own destiny, even if it is torture. As a relatively sane person this makes no sense. So tonight, if I can, with a moment of clarity, I will relinquish the bottle of pills and wipe my hands of the whole messy obsession. Just Damn!

I have been continuing my diet …. sometimes wholeheartedly sometimes half-ass. I feel like I am making better food choices a majority of the time, but I do still like to eat. I haven’t walked since the finger surgery and it is just hot and muggy, but I have continued my workouts with my trainer for an hour 2X a week. I know that isn’t enough, but it is sure better than doing nothing like before. But that Damn scale is at a standstill. I lose a pound or two and gain a pound or two. I can’t break the cycle and it is really starting to get me down. I know Rome wasn’t built in a day, but come on!

On both accounts I just need to be willing to be willing and focus on my wellness.

So my goal is to walk and get rid of the pills, both of which I know I can do. I just might need a little nudge that is all. And one more Damn ….. it is about to storm and dinner is supposed to be on the grill. Glad I watered all the flowers.

Back At It!

~ lorah ~ Leave a comment

I am back on the diet, exercise and life-style bandwagon. I was doing good with it, then we went to Dallas in April and all bets were off while on vacation and I slacked off for a few months after. Surprisingly, I was still down 4 lbs when I started back up several weeks ago. To date I am down 7 since starting back up so that makes ll lbs. I still have a super long way to go, but at least I am on the right track. 11 lbs is hardly noticeable when you are this fat, but I guess you have to start somewhere.

I am doing several things …. I am back on Noom and counting calories. I am working on Intermittent Fasting. I am working out with a trainer a couple times a week and I also just agreed to be a walking buddy with a friend. I know myself and I am either all or nothing. Right now I am in an “all phase” with something good. I hope to be able to keep the momentum going. I am getting older by the minute and I need to lose the weight and get healthy, not an easy task. That isn’t my only motivation, but that is a post for another time.

I still go out with friends and do fun things I just have to make better food choice and the calorie counting helps with that. I went to a birthday party over the weekend and had cake – and I felt totally disgusted with myself for eating it and it made feel headachy. So, may that be a reminder for next time!

I am working out with my Massage Therapist who is also a trainer, she is very holistic and I love that. She is taking on me as a whole person with many different needs and issues, which is a little different. I think I may be her little project, but I don’t care. It is what I need and I need the accountability.. She will definitely keep me on task.

I feel good. I am obsessed though with the morning weigh ins. Each day, I am excited to see the little changes and if the change is in the wrong direction, I definitely do better for the next day. I try not to have as many “Fuck-it” days, but I have had a few. I am working hard to change my mindset. If I could do it with alcohol and pills, I know I can do it with food and exercise. I just have to be willing to be willing, which is sometimes hard to conquer.

I hope by posting this and writing about it, it will give me another place to be accountable. This blog is about the Life and Times of Me and this is where I am at and what I am doing.