I made it!!!! A few days ago I got to celebrate 5 years of continuous sobriety. It is by no small miracle that I can make this claim. I came into recovery in 2007, with a lot of unwillingness to take the actions required to remain sober. By the Grace of God, I kept coming back to the program of AA after each relapse. I had to continue to pray for the willingness to be willing. After 7 years of half measures, the willingness finally came.
One of the things that changed for me was finally getting honest with myself about my addiction issues, getting my side of the street cleaned up, following direction as well as being of service. After my last relapse …. my sponsor told me to stop the “keep coming back” and just stay! Just staying in the program, WOW, what a concept. That one word had a great impact on my current progress in recovery.
I am truly blessed and grateful for the life I have to today and the people in it. The fellowship of AA is my lifeline. I have a wonderful group of women who are my biggest cheerleaders and best friends along with my loving husband.
I got my token last night at my favorite women’s meeting with a lot of my special friends in attendance. That support, friendship and love is what it is all about. The kind words from my sponsor were inspiring, the congratulations from friends, gifts and cards all made me feel good and like I am finally embracing this thing called sober living. There were a few tears from those who have been with me since the beginning. Everyone was truly happy for me and in my corner. I was overwhelmed and humbled by all the celebration for sober me. I do not necessarily like being the center of attention, but it was a wonderful evening with the meeting and a celebratory dinner with 12 close friends from my tribe.
On this day I am happy and grateful to be able to say I am in recovery. Life is good, I hope and pray I can continue on this path.
I am coming up on 5 years of continuous sobriety … to be exact, I have 4.94 years, 59.37 months or 1,807 days clean and sober and I got served an alcoholic drink Saturday night at a restaurant.
I was out with my husband and some friends and ordered my usual club soda and cranberry, but ….. it came with vodka (a lot of vodka) Not knowing this, I took a really big sip of my drink and OMG. I immediately felt that warm and fuzzy feeling. That feeling that makes us want to drink more. It would have been easy to continue to drink it, but my immediate reflex was to recoil from it as if it were a hot flame, like it says in the AA big book. (Wow is that me, sort of quoting the big book!)
I will not lie, after just taking that one gulp … I have had some obsessive thoughts about drinking. It is amazing how fast your head can get crazy with just one taste of alcohol. You see I liked the taste of alcohol, I liked the way it made me feel. With that one drink, I remembered all the wonderful things about why I liked alcohol and the way it made me feel invincible. But all I have to do is play that tape all the way through and remember in the end how it really made me feel along with the pills and how it could have destroyed me. The thing is, a few days later, I can still remember that taste of vodka in my drink with just that one big sip. But I am in recovery and I have to remember I am in recovery and how good my life is today; mentally, physically and spiritually. I am grateful that the urge to drink didn’t take over and that I have my tools to get through this. It is not totally over yet, but I will get through this and in 20 days I will, by the grace of God, have made it to 5 years!
I have been getting a little out of my comfort zone lately. The biggest thing that I did was today, I was interviewed about my recovery story and my thoughts on addiction for a podcast. I have decided being totally anonymous really isn’t helping anyone. I do have this blog where I discuss my issues with addictions, but doing this podcast takes it to a whole new level. I was really nervous about doing this and sounding like a dork, but luckily I get to hear the final edit before it posts. I really hope it turned out well and that it will resinate with someone who listens. Being uncomfortable for a minute is worth it if it helps someone.
Turns out it wasn’t so bad doing it after we got started. It was just like talking to a friend. I did stumble some but hopefully that will be taken care of in editing. I am anxious to hear how it turned out and totally trusting my interviewer, Nick.
Nick has a great website called Open Discussion Movement and I think you should check it out at https://ODMovement.com. A lot of great stuff on addiction issues and he has a wide range of guests on his podcast with different experiences with addiction.
Getting out of your comfort zone every now and then feels good. It is definitely a growth experience. My sponsor told me just the other day how much I was growing and changing … and that my friend is a good thing.