Back at it!

When I say back at it, that applies to so so many things.

The main thing I am back at is life. Kerry’s suicide really took me down the rabbit hole. I found myself very depressed, anxious and just not myself for the last couple of months. I worked with my therapist (often), and am seeing a psych PA to manage my meds and she add a few more to the cocktail. I am feeling more like myself, but it definitely was a rough couple of months. I had to even take a break from sponsoring. I just didn’t feel equipped to help anyone …. could hardly help myself. I am back at actively working with my sponsees, I have 3 girls who are working a program and one who I have limited contact with, but she is still sober. I am grateful not to be so gloomy. I still think of Kerry often and especially her family. I miss her. I pray that she is at peace.

In my twelve step program I have stepped away from the board and from being the social activities and all things fun chair. It was time to step away and I really felt like it was time for someone else to take the reins . I also didn’t want to have anything to do with it all while I was processing Kerry’s death. So I guess you could say I am back at being just a regular member of the program.

I was contemplating quitting the blog, but I am back at it. I am not sure if I will stop when the next payment is due, only time will tell. I did go back and read everything I have written to date. It was very interesting and eye opening to note the changes in life and the world. Reading back, I do get the gloomies. It is very unpredictable cycle. I hope this new mood stabilizer will help that.

My A1C went down at my last dr appt, I am still pre diabetic but I am close to being normal. The diet and exercise paid off. I did get a little lax during my depressive episode, I did what I could. I am still with my trainer and she works me hard. I have a lot of accountability to her with my exercise and food. But I am back to a healthy lifestyle change. I joined a program with in person countability. It is changing eating habits and really concentrating on macronutrients. I meet with a dietitian and health coach each week. This is only day 2 of my changed eating plan ….. cross your fingers!

Getting back into the swing of life, being healthy and writing are all positive steps for me. Now I just need to get back to volunteering, which will happen soon. Life happens and sometimes it is hard, but we have to just keep at it the best we can.

Monday, Day #1

It isn’t exactly a first of the year New Years Resolution ….. but I have been procrastinating for far to long on getting serious about getting healthy and losing some weight. It is not my first attempt at this, but I guess I have to keep trying until something sticks.

I bought a new “The Change Makers Journal … a daily tool for creating change in your life” By Elizabeth Benton. She does a podcast and a whole lot more with her Primal Potential brand. I have done some half assed work with her in the past, one of her workshops and listened to some podcasts. It’s good stuff. I just wasn’t motivated enough or for long enough. This daily journal is about really looking into your life and where you can make changes, what would be impactful, primary focus, and how and what you have achieved each day. For me it is accountability, even if it is just me. You know I love to write and I think keeping track and writing everything down form goals to wins will be helpful. It is only a 3 month journal – so I am hopeful.

It is about more than losing weight and health …. It is about self care and life goals. I would like to keep writing and actually do the online course I signed up for, I need to change up my AA program as I feel I am getting complacent and in a rut. I also want to get on a better schedule with my volunteering. I want to start cooking more and start the noom health program. I don’t work so I feel I should be a lot more productive than I am. Lofty goals, but things I should have been doing all along. I am a great procrastinator, but no more! I will occasionally blog my progress over the next 3 months. It will help me stay accountable.

Writing

I decided to take my writing to the next level. I enrolled in an online writing course ….. Getting Started in Writing. It starts tomorrow and I hope I know what I am doing. I enjoy writing, but sometimes I believe I have gotten in over my head, even with this blog. I thought with this online course it was best to start at the beginning, and that is what I am doing.

I have recently sent some personal essays and poetry in to various writing contests where I know I am in over my head. I have no expectations, but was encouraged to do so, so why not? I figured you gotta start somewhere. I am looking to extend myself as I continue looking for purpose.

I always have enjoyed writing and as a child I dreamed of writing a book. I always kept journals when I was a kid and through adulthood. I remember as I kid I snatached a book from the library on how to be a published writer. What was I thinking? Today, as an adult, I am very self-conscious about my writing. I never think I am good enough and I have no experience. I do have volumes of journals about growing up in the 80’s and my struggles with addiction as an adult. I have saved notes written between friends in middle school and high school. I have a lot of material to work with. I just need some advanced writing skills.

This writing class I am about to embark on will tell me what my next step will be in this writing adventure. If nothing else it will maybe help me with writing this blog (but that is its own course and one I may take later).

So as I take this writing thing hopefully to the next level …. keep reading and wish me luck!