Monday, Day #1

It isn’t exactly a first of the year New Years Resolution ….. but I have been procrastinating for far to long on getting serious about getting healthy and losing some weight. It is not my first attempt at this, but I guess I have to keep trying until something sticks.

I bought a new “The Change Makers Journal … a daily tool for creating change in your life” By Elizabeth Benton. She does a podcast and a whole lot more with her Primal Potential brand. I have done some half assed work with her in the past, one of her workshops and listened to some podcasts. It’s good stuff. I just wasn’t motivated enough or for long enough. This daily journal is about really looking into your life and where you can make changes, what would be impactful, primary focus, and how and what you have achieved each day. For me it is accountability, even if it is just me. You know I love to write and I think keeping track and writing everything down form goals to wins will be helpful. It is only a 3 month journal – so I am hopeful.

It is about more than losing weight and health …. It is about self care and life goals. I would like to keep writing and actually do the online course I signed up for, I need to change up my AA program as I feel I am getting complacent and in a rut. I also want to get on a better schedule with my volunteering. I want to start cooking more and start the noom health program. I don’t work so I feel I should be a lot more productive than I am. Lofty goals, but things I should have been doing all along. I am a great procrastinator, but no more! I will occasionally blog my progress over the next 3 months. It will help me stay accountable.

A day in the life …..

So I survived Covid. In terms of how Covid goes, it was a mild case, not a pleasant experience, but it could have been so much worse. I am grateful. About 12 days of feeling crappy. I still don’t have my taste or smell back and I get tired. It is annoying! Now we just wait and see what type of long term residual effects there might be. There are so many variables to this virus.

The presidential inauguration is tomorrow. Not who I voted for. I believe both candidates had a lot to be desired. I had to vote on policy not personality. What was best for our business and my family. I just hate all the hate that is going around this country right now. I don’t understand the far left and the far right – they are just crazy people. I do believe in parts of both parties platforms. But some of the things have just gone too far!!!! I just like to stay in my own little bubble – it makes me so anxious to think about it all. But I do pray nightly that this country is restored to sanity …. no matter who the president is.

I am getting back to meetings and the fellowship. I did not like zooming while I was sick. I need to be in the rooms for my recovery. I miss so many of my friends who are not coming out because of Covid and health issues. I can be hopeful that this new vaccine will help and I hope soon things will get back to our “normal”.

Not much is happening these days …. just a day in the life!

Stupid Covid

Yep … I got it!

Stupid Covid that is destroying and changing so many lives.

I pray that my case stays mild. I am scared of being hospitalized and having to be alone. So far it is just like a bad sinus infection with some added symptoms. It is a weird not being able to taste anything and my smell has been diminished. I still get hungry, but it is all about mouth feel and what the food looks like as to whether it is good or not. I don’t like the thought of shortness of breath. I feel it a little bit with all the stuffiness when the sudafed starts to wear off. It is scary what can happen with this virus and it is causing me some anxiety.

I feel very guilty that my Mom was at our condo on Thursday …. the day I started showing symptoms later. I don’t know what I will do if she gets a bad case of it. She has been pretty careful and is pretty paranoid about it all. Only time will tell.

Kirsten got her results back and has tested negative and has no symptoms. They still want her to stay home from work for a couple of days to make sure she stays symptom free. Steve is still waiting his results. He also does not currently have symptoms. We should probably separate ourselves more. Kirsten is pretty much staying downstairs, but Steve is generally nearby, I told him to sleep in the guest room, but he has not. I am pretty much on the couch or in bed.

Allie and Pat went home to Texas. Allie is not feeling well and said she will test tomorrow while Pat is feeling fine. It is odd how the virus and who the virus hits being as contagious as it is.

I am only on day 3.5, but I am bored. I don’t have the mind to do much. I try to read a little and have been zoning out to the TV. That is about it and it makes for long boring days.

So I will continue to lay low and say my prayers.

Stupid Covid!

January 1, 2021

Goodbye 2020 – what a crazy, difficult, unprecedented year you were. So many things we take for granted in life have had to change because of happenings of 2020. We have been forced to embrace the suck of this past year.

So far 2021 is starting out with some difficulty. I am sick – yuck. I had the COVID test this morning so it will be a couple of days before I know for sure if I have it. The symptoms of the last day are pointing to me having it. Head cold, aches, cough … and the tell tale sign of the loss of taste among other things. I am hoping I did not pass the virus on if I have it since I was out and about thinking I had a sinus infection for a couple days before the real symptoms hit. So needless to say I am now in quarantine.

So because of this I have had to miss all the NYE and Day meetings at the club, just like I had to miss all the Christmas meetings. I can’t help with the clean up of putting decorations away. I have been in contact with my “team” and it will all be taken care of. It is humbling to realize the world can the club can function just fine without me. I have to once again let go of that control.

So what do I want to do in this brand new year ….. a brand new chapter in the book of life. I definitely need to get healthy and get back to an exercise program. Since I quite last year with my depression and then covid – well, I have been a slug! I also want to take the writing more seriously even if it is just for me or a memoir for the family. I want to get back into the big book of AA and up my program. I feel I have been somewhat complacent as of late. I overall want to be a good person with gratitude, humility and hope. Those I think are my goals for 2021 …. I won’t call them New Year’s Resolutions, but I guess they kinda are.

Even with the “New Normal” of 2020 I have found much gratitude in the small stuff. So many things looked different last year than what we expected especially with Kirsten’s graduation from college, and all the virtual meetings and gatherings. But with pain and difficulty comes growth … I truly believe that. We have learned to deal with things we thought we would never have to deal with.

Life happens and we just have to accept it as it comes …. So here is to 2021 and all the adventures that await us. Now hopefully I don’t start out the year getting really sick with this stupid covid.

Christmas 2020 Style

It has been a different sort of Christmas season. No large family gathering this holiday. I am spending the day with my family: husband, daughters and Allie’s boyfriend …. and the pups. Playing games, watching movies and doing family zoom calls. We will eat our traditional Italian dinner tonight with all the family, but separately in our own homes.

It is a low stress Christmas which is kind of nice.

One of my brothers is just getting over covid – his family seems to be ok, but they have not been tested. Allie and Pat were exposed by his sister on Sunday. They tested negative with the rapid test, but are waiting results from the regular covid test. So we just stay home and wait. I am sure they will be fine, but we want to be safe and not pass it on.

I am staying away from the AA club which is hard since I plan the Christmas (alcathon) meetings. But I am sure they can run fine without me. It is just a control thing.

We need to go make gift drop offs the the brothers and families. Not sure when we will get the gifts over to Steve’s mom. She has a lot of health issues and doesn’t really want to see anyone, but from a distance …. and it is too cold outside.

Despite the issues 2020 has brought to us all, I still have gratitude …. a lot of gratitude. I have everything I need and my loving family is healthy. There have been challenges to overcome, but that doesn’t diminish my blessings.

2020 has definitely not been the year we all expected it to be when it started back in January, but we are surviving …. together!

Grandpa’s Tradition

Every year, a few days before Christmas, my family gathers to make our traditional holiday dinner …. beef braciole and Meatballs. My Italian father started this tradition many years ago when my adult daughters were very young. It was all about the kids helping with the preparations. My Dad loved spending time with his grandkids.

Thanks to Covid, this years braciole making looks a little different. Each family is making their own braciole and meatballs instead of gathering as an extended family. Unfortunately we won’t all be gathering for the Christmas holiday this year. We will be getting together in smaller family groups.

My beloved Dad passed away 10 years ago. The grandkids (5 girls at the time) were all fairly young. That first Christmas after his death, it was the girls who insisted on continuing Grandpa’s Tradition. Making beef braciole and meatballs is still a family tradition and it has withstood the test of time. It is a special time for my family to gather to honor and remember Dad/Grandpa. There is another grand-daughter in the mix, who is now 4 and never got to meet her Grandpa Vic. She no doubt knows though, how much he meant to our family.

Even though Covid this year may have changed Grandpa’s Tradition a little bit. We all hope to be back together as an extended family next year to once again continue on the tradition.

Insurance

Something in my medical or mental health records is coming back to haunt me. I am having some difficulty getting regular health insurance. We had COBRA for 18 mos when Steve went to self employed and in October it was time to move on. I keep getting denied for various reason. So I currently for the last couple of months have had sort half coverage. My family doctor and GI doctor both sent letters stating that the health issues they were originally concerned with are non issues. What does that leave – the mental and addiction issues.

I feel like my past is coming back to cause me trouble. Because I sought help for my addiction and mental health issues am I now considered a flawed person to risky to be insured ….. WTF. I got help, and proceeded to get better. I don’t understand the problem.

My insurance guy is looking in to what the underwriter is “afraid” of, in the meantime I wait. There is another insurance option, there is always a more expensive, not so great option. At this point that is what I a going to have to consider.

To say I am baffled is an understatement. I have worked hard to become healthy from addiction and better equipped to handle life. I guess this is my reward – Ugh!

Sometimes it doesn’t pay to be honest with your doctors and have that past follow you into the future.

Stay tuned. It will be interesting to see what the actual problem with me is.

Miracles

52,624 hours, 2,193 days, 72.03 months …… 6 Years!

By the grace of my God and the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous I have 6 years of continuous sobriety today. I am grateful I did not quit before the miracle happened, because yes …. it is a miracle.

I started this journey in a treatment center in 2007. For years I felt I was defined by all my relapses and inability to stay sober. That is one reason each additional year is a miracle ….. each day is a miracle.

It took a long time for the drink and pill obsession to leave me. I spent a lot of time white knuckling this sobriety thing. I believe all the difficulties and relapses taught me what I needed to know to become the person I am grateful to be today. Is life perfect? Definitely not! I do know today how to handle the things that used to baffle me. I have tools to help me navigate this life and all its challenges.

2020 has been a particularly challenging year with Covid, quarantine, all the political crap and social unrest along with my personal anxieties and issues. AA meetings are different. The world is different. My tribe in the AA fellowship have remained tried and true. I may not get to see them as often or give hugs, but there is still something special and unwavering about the fellowship.

I am happy and blessed regardless of the adversity and difficulties of this year.

December 2nd is just another sober day. It may be 6 years today, but it is just one day at a time …. 24 hours at a time.

Thanksgiving 2020 🍁

Thanksgiving looks a lot different this year due to Covid. Our Thanksgiving table will have 3 chairs instead of 14. We have zoomed with family members and have spent most of the day relaxing, watching TV and hopefully we will get a walk in.

I am happy to be with Steve and Kirsten. Allie is in Texas this year, but looking forward to her and Patrick coming home for a couple of weeks over the Christmas holiday.

We are all moved into our condo. A lot of our stuff is in the storage room and in the storage unit. It has been difficult to stuff everything from our big house into this smaller space. We have settled in the best we can amongst the clutter.

Our Thanksgiving dinner has been ordered from the neighborhood grocer. Turkey and all the trimmings. A lot of people I know are doing the same …. carry-out instead of cooking. It is just a weird and different kind of Thanksgiving.

I still have so much gratitude for what I have and the people I love. I am a blessed woman, I hope I will never take for granted all I have been giving. By the grace of God, I have my health, family, friends, home and sobriety in the midst of this crazy pandemic.

So even though Thanksgiving looks very different this year. I will count my blessings and I pray that you can find the gratitude I have.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Sadie ❤️

I really don’t know how to write this ….. tonight will be the last night my sadie girls sleeps on this earth, in her bed, in our room. The last night we will hear her loud snores as she sleeps. We have the appointment with the vet to put her down tomorrow.

It gives me comfort to know that she has had a good life. She has been a wonderful pet and part of our family for the last 13 years. She is feeling her age and her arthritis is getting worse. We had a quality of life appointment with the vet last week. He told us winter would be unbearable for her and this move would take its toll on her as well. It was a hard decision to make. She still has some good days and a happy face, but we know she is in pain and her quality of life is diminishing fast.

So in the midst of moving (the movers will be her in 3 days), we find ourselves loving on our Sadie Belle a little more. I wonder what she is thinking with all this packing going on and the attention she is getting. Does she know? I have stocked up on McDonald’s cheeseburgers and am feeding her what she likes, whenever she wants it.

My Murphy and Pepper dogs died on their own. I have never had an appointment to put one of my dogs down. It seems so odd to me to have an appointment for death. It is very sad to think that tomorrow at this time she will no longer be with us.

Sadie my sweet girl, with tears in my eyes I write this …. I love you, you have been a wonderful pup.