Tag: diet

Diabetes, Kidney Stone and a Crooked Finger

~ lorah ~ Leave a comment

Happy Fall. The weather has definitely changed and Halloween is right around the corner. We have our annual Halloween party coming up at the recovery club. I have once again delegated a lot of the details and it is still hard to let go of the control of the event. Being on the board and in charge of social events I feel it is also my responsibility to let others get involved and be part of the process.

My mood has been all over the place as of late. Some depression, some happiness and a lot of whatever. I have had many needed conversations with my therapist. I have been too out of sorts to even write.

I found out at my physical in September that I am pretty close to being diabetic. I have started monitoring my sugar and it has been all over the place. I have been taking better care of diet and exercise and really working it, but it gets discouraging when it really doesn’t seem to change anything. My weight is also up and down but for the most part the scale is moving in the right direction. I am really being careful with my carbs and sugar intake. I have been working with my trainer and walking and working out at home in between. I have met with the diabetic nurse and have an appointment scheduled with the dietitian, which I hope can help me even out this sugar issue. My dr. has given me 6 months to get things under control. With the fluctuation in my sugar readings …… I don’t know.

At that same physical, blood was found in my urine. That lead to an appointment with the urologist, which lead to the discovery of a kidney stone. It was causing pressure, but no pain. Surgery was scheduled, but it thankfully passed before the scheduled surgery …. that was painful!

To top it all off, my pointer finger that I had surgery on in July is still slow to heal. The tendon was weak and healed and now my finger is crooked for good, unless I want another surgery ……. not!

It was a few weeks of so many dr. appointments and not great news and many ups and downs with my psyche.

Steve and I also had our annual babysitting stint with niece Caroline.during all that. She added a light to a dismal mood. She is now 5 and we thoroughly enjoy having her with us. We had her for 5 days and she kept us on our toes. She is a very busy, creative, sweet girl.

So I guess this is my new normal. I will just keep trying to live life on life’s terms.

Weight

~ lorah ~ Leave a comment

Well ….. I am currently doing not so great with my weight loss. I have been stagnant. I lose a couple pounds and gain a couple pounds. This has been my lifelong struggle. I should be happy in that overall I am down 15 pounds (if I am on the right side of the scale) since March/April. It is just that I am not consistent in my efforts. I am doing really well with my trainer 2X’s a week (she is really pushing me) plus 1 workout on my own over the weekend and I am supposed to be walking on days off – that is hit or miss, but I am trying to get it in …. it is just so dang hot right now!

I think I have gained approximately 100 lbs since I was deathly ill with the Ulcerative Colitis. I had the surgery to have my colon removed in 2005 and I weighed close to 100 lbs. Everything I ate before that surgery went right through me. It wasn’t even worth the effort to actually eat. I practically lived in the bathroom. I had to drink protein and calories to sustain. After the surgery it was still difficult to eat as my internal JPouch needed a lot of time to heal and start functioning properly. I was forced to eat a little something every couple of hours. My friends brought my family dinners and brought me the highest caloric foods they could find. But still I could eat very little. I think because I was close to starvation mode at this time in my life, my body and metabolism are wonky ….. still! There were a few years before I was really really sick and a few years after when I was healing that I was at a good skinny weight and I liked it. But alas, it was hard to maintain! The weight kept piling on as the years went by.

In high school, looking back I was a good average weight. I thought I was super fat (I would love to be that “fat” again)! I was a member of the drill/dance team. We were well known around the area and it was a very strict and disciplined activity. We had to weigh-in every week. If we were not in the range we would get a tik – too many tiks and you get a demerit, too many demerits and you are off the team. I always struggled. I was right on the edge of my weight range. Before weigh-ins I would not eat day of and very little the day before. I took laxatives before weigh-ins and diet pills to maintain. The day after I would chow. A vicious cycle. I did not have a healthy relationship with food.

Today, I am trying just to be healthy, but I want to look good too. I was going to try a new weight loss program, it was based somewhat on meal replacements. As soon as they realized I don’t have a colon, I was told that the program would not work for me as I do not have the same absorption as others … it is always something! When I was sick, I was barely functional. I had severe clinical depression and an anxiety disorder (hence my love of benzodiazepines) along with the Ulcerative Colitis. I should be grateful that even though I am fat, I am somewhat healthy and I am much happier than I used to be. Of course I am still on a cocktail of antidepressants but hey, whatever takes. I will keep working with my trainer and keep using her as a coach. She keeps me accountable, I just have to willing to be willing to do what it takes. But sometimes you just have to eat!

Damn …. Just Damn

~ lorah ~ Leave a comment

It has been a busy summer so far …. The days are long and warm, It has been good. Damn it is going by too quick. We will be shoveling snow before we know it.

I had a mucous cyst removed from my right index finger last week. Damn did it hurt. It is still sore, but the major pain has gone. You don’t realize how important each finger is, especially on your dominant hand, It has been a rough week. Just typing this is to some extent difficult.

With the cyst removal and the pain …. all I can say is Damn pain pills. I am over 6.5 years sober and once again I am obsessed with the pills. I didn’t think much about them when I truly needed them the first couple days post op. I have stopped the day time medicating as I like to run around too much to be stuck at home in a stupor unable to drive, I have been taking it only at night for a few nights. The sleep is soooooo good! But I think the time has come to be done, You just know when you no longer need them. It is now not a need, but a want. The thing is …. I am a pill addict and I am obsessed with the little amount of pills I have left. I can usually had over the pills to my husband for safe keeping, but it is always a hard act. I like the control of being in charge of my own destiny, even if it is torture. As a relatively sane person this makes no sense. So tonight, if I can, with a moment of clarity, I will relinquish the bottle of pills and wipe my hands of the whole messy obsession. Just Damn!

I have been continuing my diet …. sometimes wholeheartedly sometimes half-ass. I feel like I am making better food choices a majority of the time, but I do still like to eat. I haven’t walked since the finger surgery and it is just hot and muggy, but I have continued my workouts with my trainer for an hour 2X a week. I know that isn’t enough, but it is sure better than doing nothing like before. But that Damn scale is at a standstill. I lose a pound or two and gain a pound or two. I can’t break the cycle and it is really starting to get me down. I know Rome wasn’t built in a day, but come on!

On both accounts I just need to be willing to be willing and focus on my wellness.

So my goal is to walk and get rid of the pills, both of which I know I can do. I just might need a little nudge that is all. And one more Damn ….. it is about to storm and dinner is supposed to be on the grill. Glad I watered all the flowers.

Monday, Day #1

~ lorah ~ Leave a comment

It isn’t exactly a first of the year New Years Resolution ….. but I have been procrastinating for far to long on getting serious about getting healthy and losing some weight. It is not my first attempt at this, but I guess I have to keep trying until something sticks.

I bought a new “The Change Makers Journal … a daily tool for creating change in your life” By Elizabeth Benton. She does a podcast and a whole lot more with her Primal Potential brand. I have done some half assed work with her in the past, one of her workshops and listened to some podcasts. It’s good stuff. I just wasn’t motivated enough or for long enough. This daily journal is about really looking into your life and where you can make changes, what would be impactful, primary focus, and how and what you have achieved each day. For me it is accountability, even if it is just me. You know I love to write and I think keeping track and writing everything down form goals to wins will be helpful. It is only a 3 month journal – so I am hopeful.

It is about more than losing weight and health …. It is about self care and life goals. I would like to keep writing and actually do the online course I signed up for, I need to change up my AA program as I feel I am getting complacent and in a rut. I also want to get on a better schedule with my volunteering. I want to start cooking more and start the noom health program. I don’t work so I feel I should be a lot more productive than I am. Lofty goals, but things I should have been doing all along. I am a great procrastinator, but no more! I will occasionally blog my progress over the next 3 months. It will help me stay accountable.

Moving Along

~ lorah ~ Leave a comment

My life is in disarray!

The house sold in 3 days. We had the condo we put money down on, but got freaked out that it might be too small for the duration. We looked at a house and put an offer in but we could not come to terms. Found another condo and its perfect for what we need … and that is where we will be resting out heads for the time being. It is a main level with a walk out lower level with a lot more space than the original condo. Only down side is we lost our money that we put down on the first condo – breach of contract. We are closing on the condo next Friday 10/30. It has been a whirlwind. Lots of anxiety and uncertainty.

My house is half packed up and half livable. We are doing a little bit every day – seems like we are always going for more boxes. We certainly have a lot of stuff and a lot to do! Movers are scheduled for 11/12 so we can get the condo ready and move some things ourselves.

In the midst of all we have going on, tonight we (Steve and I) are having dinner with my long lost friend. The one that I recently reconnected with over lunch and her husband. I am feeling a little anxious about this. We were a fun foursome and we loved to drink. They have no idea about my addiction problem and I don’t plan on telling them. The drinking situation could be tricky and I am not sure how I am going to react … I am sure there will be questions . A drink would help me relax in this situation – we all know though how that would end, so I am not even going there! I have been craving a drink lately, maybe it is all the anxiety, I am not sure. Better than a drink though, I think would be some Xanax. But that is not going to happen either. I still think I have that one Valium in my purse.

Best news is that Allie is coming home next week to see her childhood home one more time, to help us pack and just visit. I am really happy she is coming. It will be nice to have a full house for a few days.

And those who are wondering about the Whole30 Diet. I am totally off that bandwagon, but need to get back on some type of diet and exercise program – I have gone to the other extreme since the Whole30 thing. The key I know is moderation and food choices. With all the moving stress, I haven’t been doing it. But I gotta get my head in the game and just do it!

That is it ….. The Life and Times of Me.

Day 8 / Whole30

~ lorah ~ Leave a comment

Ok so it is Day 8 of my Whole30 diet/program and I am becoming weary.    The enthusiasm is gone for the both the diet, cooking and the label reading.  I am dying to step on the scale to see if any progress has been made to my weight or body composition (which is a no no on this program).

Am I doing the program perfectly, nope ….. but I am doing the best I can.   In the last 8 days I have broken down and had a Chai Tea Latte – though sugar-free and with non sweetened almond milk, 4 times.    It is like an addiction I can’t quite break.     I can barely stomach food in the morning so I drink a chai.    I can barely stomach all the meat and vegetables at any time, but I am trying my best to eat it, but sometimes I just want to puke!  I am tired mostly of the upset tummy.   With my internal set up with no colon and a shortened small intestine  – I don’t know if I can handle all this whole food stuff.  Too much of a good thing may not be good, cause I sure am feeling it.  I am craving carbs!

I want to eat healthy for the long term and get healthy, but Wow – this is difficult!

So for now I will continue to do the best that I can and if I have to cheat a little bit, I am still doing better and eating better than I have in a long time.  It might not be the whole reset of the body and mind that is the purpose of this diet.   This all or nothing thinking has to go!!!!

 

Whole Food Challenge

~ lorah ~ Leave a comment

Today is day 1 of my whole30 challenge.    It is not a diet of sorts but more of a way to reset your body and mind and along the way hopefully some weight and inches will come off.

30 days ….. No sugar, dairy, grains, legumes, soy, carrageenan, MSG, sulfites or anything like a baked good even with approved ingredients and NO CHAI TEA LATTE (my morning breakfast and drink of choice) Like the title of the diet – only whole foods.    Yikes!   This girl likes to eat and loves her carbs and her sugar-free chai latte with almond milk (no sugar substitutes either).

I am embarking on this journey with Ann, my friend and sponsor.   Hopefully we can support each other through the end of our 30 day commitment.

Day 1 and I am excited and pumped to do this.   I am a little leery that I won’t make it.   I am either all in or all out.  Like most with addiction issues, it is either all or nothing.  Today, I am all in.   I have bought the books and my fridge is stocked with approved foods.   With alcohol and pills and even other food diets, I always tend to relapse if I don’t have my shit together.    So that will be key for the next 30 days.

I have got to do something about my weight and health and hope this will be the beginning of it.

I am guessing if I can give up pills and alcohol I should be able to do this for 30 days.   My hope is at the end of the 30 days when you reintroduce foods back into your diet that I will have reset my eating habits.

I believe eating and my chai became my new addiction, it is now time to reign it in.  Steve and Kirsten will eat the dinners and food I prepare for meals, but they are not all in.   Heaven forbid they quit drinking alcohol for a month.  I will not judge their choices.

Today, I was tired and sluggish in the afternoon.   Missing my caffeine.  Took a nap.   Was hungry so I had  dinner at 5:00 PM.   Hopefully I can get through the remainder of the evening.   There is always fruit to be eaten.

I can do this, right?  Wish me luck!